NZ backpackers regret sex on the beach after painful crab incident


A pair of European backpackers were involved in an unusual incident last Wednesday night at Uretiti Beach, close to Waipu in the Northland Region of New Zealand. The couple, a 24-year old Frenchman and a 23-year old Swedish female, had been travelling around the North Island of New Zealand for about two months before setting up camp at the scenic seaside location.

“During the day I spotted them taking a stroll in the buff along the beach,” commented a German backpacker, who had been also staying at the Uretiti Beach camping ground. “At night, I was in my tent when I heard some unusual sounds coming from the direction of the beach.” The German man decided to investigate to see what was causing the disturbance. “From a distance, I saw what appeared to be a girl near the water in some distress, but when I moved closer I realized that she was actually with a man, and they were engaged in some private activity.” Not wanting to disturb the couple, the German started to return to his camp site, but was halted in his tracks after hearing a piercing scream. “At first I thought it was the girl, because the scream was so high-pitched, but when I got approached the couple I realized it was the male who was in pain.”

The French backpacker was in complete agony, and in the dark it wasn’t immediately clear what had happened. “Luckily I’d brought my flash light, so I shone it over the man’s body, and I saw a scene that will haunt me forever.” Attached to the man’s testicles was the large claw of a paddle crab, and it was clamped down tightly. “No wonder the guy was crying like a girl, that must have been painful.” Luckily for the victim, the German man was able to crush the crab with the flash light, likely saving the backpacker from losing the ball.

“This incident is most unusual,” remarked Professor Robert McIntosh, a leading expert on crustaceans. “In my experience, the paddle crab is not an overly aggressive species, and this is the first recorded incident of a crab attacking a human’s reproductive organs.” Without a hint of irony, he added “In my experience, they much prefer sandy bottoms.”