Home invader poops in microwave; drinks contents of vacuum cleaner

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Vancouver: Residents of a Burnaby home were given a rude awakening last night after an intruder broke into their Delta Avenue property. The homeowners, a 34-year old male and 26-year old female, were disturbed from their sleep at around 1:00 am after hearing suspicious noises from their living room. The male resident retrieved a flashlight from the bedside table before proceeding to investigate.

Upon entering the living room, the homeowner was greeted with a truly shocking site. A male intruder, unknown to the residents of the property, was sprawled out on the couple’s Turkish rug and pouring the contents of their vacuum cleaner into his mouth. The male resident was shocked at the sight and threw the flashlight at the unwelcome guest, prompting the intruder to cease drinking and jump through a plate glass window. He was apprehended by the authorities a short distance from the scene, reportedly hiding inside a dumpster. Our understanding is that the suspect is a former vacuum cleaner salesman who had recently been fired for a work-related incident; his former employers declined to elaborate further.

The homeowners conducted a full search of their property and were unable to determine if anything had been stolen. However, they did make one revolting discovery when inspecting the kitchen. Inside the microwave they found that the intruder had left behind an offensive calling-card: a bowl filled with a sloppy pile of feces. The disgusted couple declined a request from our reporter to comment on the bizarre crime.

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