American tourist fools Kuala Lumpur thief with fanny pack surprise

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A 46-year old male tourist visiting from the US gave a Malaysian thief the shock of his life after stuffing a secret surprise into his fanny pack. Instead of grabbing a pile of cash or identification documents, the would-be robber ended up with a handful of the tourist’s manhood after the canny traveller installed a secret hatch connecting the bag to his trousers.

The tourist, who refused to be identified, hit upon the scheme to fool potential crooks after being the victim of a pickpocket on an earlier trip to the Malaysian capital. “The last time I was strolling down Jalan Ampang and stopped for a moment to consult my map,” said the man. “All of a sudden a pair of dudes came running up to me and one started brushing the back of my hair. He claimed that he’d seen a pigeon crap on me and was helping to wipe it off.” It turns out the friendly man’s accomplice used the distraction to relieve the American of his wallet and iPhone before making a quick getaway. “I was furious at these jerk-offs and swore I’d get revenge on my next trip,” he added with a grin.

The plan for revenge was indeed successful, with a thief striking as the US visitor walked through Bukit Bintang yesterday afternoon. “I was standing near the monorail entrance and received a call from my boss back in the States. A few moments later a hand slid into my fanny pack and I felt something grab my Johnson. I turned around and the guy was frozen in shock for a moment before speeding off like Wile E. Coyote!”

While the ingenious scheme has provided the American with an amusing tale for his friends back home, it wasn’t without one embarrassing incident. “Actually the first day I arrived I screwed up. I was at a coffee shop and opened my fanny pack up to get some change, forgetting I’d stuffed my trouser snake in there. The poor waitress thought I was some kinda pervert and nearly called the cops!”

Foreigners have dominated headlines recently in Malaysia, with reports that one expat was caught out by his locally-born wife after she hid a GPS unit in his anus.

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